I was relaxed that night. I felt like I was like three-years-old, colouring in with my
glitter pens a sketch of a bridge in Oxford and listening to Disney songs. I sent
everyone a Snap, to him as well. I was a ghost for 4 days. I just wanted to take a step
back, to take a break and see how it is to be away from him. To be completely honest
with you, it wasn’t great at all…but maybe it was for the better. “Make him miss
you”, that’s something you should do regarding your crush. I checked my phone. He
opened my snap. Miss me? He doesn’t seem to care that much? Why would he
anyway? I like to believe we are at least good friends by now…but does he feel the
same way?
My best friend responded to my snap, telling me that she will start painting in 20
minutes. I asked her if she wants to talk, I haven’t heard from her in so long. She
called me. We started talking. She gave me the worst news. Then she asked about
me. I started complaining about workload at university, my backpains, and, of
course, my non-existent love life. Me and my best friends are so similar. That’s why
we get along so well. That’s why she now understands me. That’s why I tell her.
Everything is alright with him, I admitted at one point, everything until my eyes will
find his lips when he sings while playing the guitar, and I wouldn’t stop starring at
them. It was wrong that I felt like kissing him…never did anything about it, just
thought of it, but it still made me feel guilty.
“Do you actually like him?”
I was like “I honestly don’t know. I am really confused with my feelings right now.” I talked to her more. Then she just blurted these words out:
“You really like him…why do you want to lie to yourself like that? Accept the fact and also do something about it. Get him drunk and kiss him!”
“I can’t just do that, you know.”
“OH YES YOU CAN AND YOU WILL! Christmas is coming. You told me you will have a party soon. Watch a DIY video on how to make a mistletoe from paper or something and then just hang it somewhere in the room where you will have the party. Get him under it, after you have some drinks, of course, and… well, you probably know the tradition.”
The more I thought about it, the more I was sure that it could actually work. But then
again…wouldn’t it be really awkward afterwards? Then, I heard the knock on my door. It can’t be…but a part of me was so sure and was already screaming. I stood up and opened the door. No one. I looked on the left side. Oh, you little…it was him. I didn’t know how to hide my excitement. Wish I could see my face and control my reaction.
“Hey, you basically disappeared for like…ages, like a ghost…what have you been up to?”.
I was ready to respond, and then I heart my best friend basically screaming
“HI! WHO’S THERE?”. He just came in my room and picked up my phone. That’s when the crazy non-sense began.
“So, who are you?”
“I’m her best friend!” He stated with a big smile on his face and pulled me into him.
“Who are you?”
“I’m her best friend.”
“WHAT? NO, SHE IS MINE!”
“NO, MINE!” I was shook, happy, and sad at
the same time. Shook because of the way he pulled me so close to him.
Happy because he feels the same way. I’m not just a simple friend, but a best friend. Sad
because he labelled us as best friends, excluding the possibility of something more
than a friendship between us.
“Let me make you a tour of her room, in case you haven’t seen it”, he said,
wandering around with a silly smile. He was like a baby I swear. “Oh, now let me
show you mine as well. Heey I’m taking the phone with me.” he announced and just
left the room, leaving me in awe. I was at my desk, I didn’t know how I got there
again, and coloured in some of the building’s windows in baby blue. After that, I
stopped because I heard him less and less as he got closer to his room on the other
side of the door that splits J first stairs from H first stairs, and I ran behind him.
I entered his room. The sweet smell I was so used to and missed it for four days hit
me. He had his neon lights on, the ones that he bought on Amazon for 12 quid, and
which represented an excuse to come to his room without any other purpose in
mind.
Then he made that freaking weird and totally out of the blue statement:
“See, I’m taller than her.”, again pulling me closer to him for the second time. Why would he make such a statement in the first place? Isn’t it a thing that means two persons are
meant to be, that they look good together because of that little difference in height?
No? Only me? Okay… again I was steps away from him, still in disbelief of what was
happening. He liked my best friend. She liked him as well. They were bonding and I
was the source.
I smiled and then caught him starring at me. He spread his arms and waited, holding
my gaze. For like 30 second I just stood there frozen and confused. And then I
realized…he wanted a hug. I went for the hug. It felt nice. I really felt at ease around
him and I don’t want to lose that. That means I shouldn’t do anything stupid…but
that’s my freaking specialty. Wonderful!
After the hug I started wandering around his room and trying to keep my distance for
the umpteenth time. It didn’t go as I planned…predictable, right? I had my back
leaned up against his wardrobe and I had my phone back, with my best friend still on Instagram video. I can’t even remember what she said. All I do remember is that something was tickling my forehead. Then I realized it was his dark curls. He was that close to me. I felt his warm breath on my face. We made eye-contact. The tension was there, someone could have cut through it with a knife. He tried to hold the gaze longer for some reason. I looked away. I couldn’t hold it and also couldn’t tell if he observed
that I was low-key flustered.
He destroyed that barrier as well. What could stop us now? Probably just his
mindset. Probably the fact that I act like a scared lamb. Probably nothing.
poetrylover-sarcasmtalker 